We went private so that I could feel a little more at ease about who is peeping at pics of my kid. I have a
bizarre relationship with an estrange father and just want to eliminate possible situations. I forgive but I don't forget and let my guard down, I am a mother first! I am a little shocked at how few people e-mailed me wanting to be on the "list"....guess I think I'm more interesting that I really am and it was a little hit to my pride, ha! ha! Well, that's all I have to say about that (picture Forest
Gump's voice, ha! ha!)
We have been surviving lately, and by surviving I mean just that. My insomnia is getting better but still just as present as ever when I'm up for several hours during the night. I fall asleep at night perfectly but then wake up a few hours later wide awake. If you have ever experienced sleep lost in any form you know what I talking about when I say I feel like I just want to be taken out of my misery. I was starting to think that 4 padded walls, meals being brought to me 3 times a day and my laundry done for me was starting to sound heavenly and wondering how I could make it to this special place. Yep, sleep deprivation can make you crazy! And this kind is so miserable. I have no problem getting 6 hours of broken sleep a night because of a newborn, I get up feed the baby and go right back to sleep. This is so different because I CAN'T go back to sleep, I want it so badly but it just doesn't happen....augh, I get mad thinking about it.
I do think that God allows you to go thru things and I was asking for the lesson to be learned. That lesson came loud and clear last week......I'm so blessed with loving friends that want to help! God sent to me the most amazing friends that forced their way into the home of this prideful girl and helped. They came and cleaned, took JT to the park so I could nap, have been bringing food a couple times a week and most of all praying and checking up on me. Psalm 68:6 says that "God sets the lonely in families, He leads forth the prisoners with singing" in this case he sent a body of caring believers my way quickly to take care of me like I was their own flesh and blood and sent this prisoner of insomnia singing His praises! There are lots of other things that I have seen God's provision and goodness in but this was the most profound for me. I did cry out for help, and was responded to by the most amazing friends in Christ I will ever know!
The Dr is thinking this is just a 1st trimester hormonal thing and I'm praying so too. I'm in week 10 now and am excited to be past this part very shortly. Also JT started his 2 day a week pre-school last Wed and that is a tremendous help. He loves it there and I get an awesome break from 9-2 on Mon and Wed each week. God bless the Early Learning Center! It is a great school at our church that is of course christian base and academic base. It's not a free for all play for all like a Mother's Day Out program, which JT does not do well in that environment, but is an actual school with Chapel time each week to boot! JT is a music man and when he hears it he starts to shake his grove thing. I'm definitely going to put him in some sort of music school next year, because he shows a true passion for it.
I will post some pics in a few days. How's this for a terrible mom? I was dropping him off for his 1st day of school this year and as we were going in there were moms snapping pics of their kids outside the school and their classrooms. Why do I never think of these things?! (I get a freebie because of the insomnia right now!) So I'm just going to take my camera on Monday and we'll have a do-over.....nothing wrong with that, right? Well except he went to this school one day week last year, so technically it's not his "1st" day of school! Oh, maybe with this next one....I think God gives extra grace to the 1st born because technically it's just a science experiment, none of us know what we are doing with these precious little babies....trial and error is how you survive the 1st year of motherhood
