A rant about something that really bothers me

T-rav and I went through some very stressful events this year of Twenty-Ten and despite all that, we've come to the end of the year with our marriage stronger than it's ever been. We went through a job change of sorts (ExxonMobil bought out XTO very un-expectantly), moved twice, had a baby and then remodeled our kitchen. These things are huge trigger points, in what "experts" and "surveys" say can and will break a marriage. While in each event, which all were blessings to us, there too were stressful points within. Examples...

T-rav never wanted to work for a major oil company BUT the blessing was he still had a job in an economy where lots of people were struggling.

Moving is very stressful and tiring, especially when you add a very pregnant wife into the mix that can literally help with next to nothing, BUT what a huge blessing our home is and how God provided it at the right time.

A new baby can be very tiring, confusing and nerve racking BUT we were able to bring our little Calvin home in perfect condition to a loving home.

Remodeling a kitchen is a disaster that your willing bring into your home, BUT what a huge blessing that we were able to do that with no debt and create a beautiful kitchen to compliment the home we've been blessed with.

These were huge trials in our marriage and I admit that during our talking on some issues that arise this year there were times that things got a little heated, leading to even a couple of yelling matches that I wish Jackson was not in ear shot to have heard. For those times though, we made sure that Jackson saw the end product of that. We apologized and forgave each other in front of him making sure that he understood that yes, mommy and daddy will not always agree and that this is true for all couples, but that we needed to have closure to the disagreement so that bitterness would not set in. Might I add that we even visited our marriage counselor from a few years ago a few times just get a check up and help us work through a hitch that was hindering us from moving beyond a particular issue.

So what am I getting at?

Really, it's all about perspective. I tell people that who look upon me with pity at the grocery store as I'm herding my little blondie up and down the isles, all the while holding my fiery red-head and trying to push a giant buggy simultanuoulsy.....it's all about perspective and how blessed I am that they are healthy and draining my energy, not too mention the fact that I can afford everything that is in my buggy. Perspective, folks!

Marriage is hard, it's a choice, not a feeling that you live out everyday. I believe that marriage between believers is especially harder because of the temptations of selfishness that satan brings your way every moment of everyday. The evil of this world would love nothing better than to destroy the institute of marriage and if you look at the divorce rate, which is higher among those who profess Christ as their Saviour, you would say that he is winning the war on marriage. Just this year I know personally of six, yes 6, couples that claim Christ but one of them filed for divorce this year. It makes me so sad, because they have no idea what it is like to work it through the power of God, the One they committed their marriage to in the first place. If they had not been duped by the one who attacks the institution of marriage then they could still stand and say that having faith in God is choosing to live as though the Bible is true REGARDLESS of circumstances, emotions or cultural trends and the Bible has a whole lot to say about marriage.

I come from a broken home to which I witnessed first hand the #1 reason folks take a slow fade of choosing to love another to eventually walking out of an attorney's office, having ended several decades of their life together. This reason is selfishness, plain and simple, whether by one or both parties involved.

Although selfishness does breed more of itself, and I can say that I truly respect and admire someone very close to me for taking some of the responsibility for their broken marriage. To an outsider she would have clearly looked like a complete victim, but because she is humble before the Lord she would tell you that she consciously made choices through her selfishness that harmed the marriage. It may have been a reaction to the selfishness breading in the home, but none-the-less she reacted back with the same nasty habit.

The opposite, Self-LESS-ness is much harder, but anything working for is worth keeping. To be completely real, it's an hourly battle for me to be self-less, which I don't always get victory over. I'm a continued work in progress, but I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength.

I stole the following from our Sunday School class which is currently going through a marriage boot camp and it was something that T-rav and I both felt defined what we have learned the past 11 years. It's not profound, just something one or both parties in the marriage really don't choose to follow anymore:

God's Definition of Marriage:

A lifelong commitment of unconditional love towards an imperfect person

I'm not much of a crier, but every time I hear of someone considering to end their marriage, I cry. Every time I hear of the latest couple that has split, believers or not, I cry. I'm not mad, just sad. I know that God is using this in me for a bigger plan and everyday I'm asking Him to mold me into something He can use for the sake of marriage........ of course continuing with my own.