Prayer request vs old fashion gossip

 I love transparency, and not the type that makes the person out to be a victim either. I'm talking about people who cut to it straight and say "look I've done it this way, it was wrong, the Bible was clear about it and yet I still did it knowing that I should've turned from it. So learn from me and my mistake, steer clear, you'll be wiser if you did." THAT kind of transparency! People who are mature and willing to say, hey I struggle with this certain area and I'm willing to admit it.

So that being said I want to share a story with you from something that I did last year, something that I feel so strongly about now that I'm willing to look like a fool for the sake of spurring others on in their walk with the Lord. I'm more interested in pleasing God than looking like a perfect follower of Christ, praise Him that He doesn't give up on me and that He is continuing to answer my prayer that He burn the fake right out of me.

In a one on one lunch with one of my favorite girls that was a student at our old church, she shared with me that her parents were divorcing. Instantly, my heart broke for her as she described what was happening at home. As she spoke, a broken dam of bottled up emotions came flooding in my mind. It was almost as if she was painting a picture of my own situation surrounding my parents divorce 10 years ago. The similarities where hitting so close to home that I could feel a rush of pain shoot through my heart, because I knew all too well what she would go through the next few years. It almost crushed me. I held her close and prayed with her and then shared with her my own story, briefly, to which she felt safe to share more with me.

I went home that night just broken. I cried for my own pain that I still dealt with from time to time (divorce is so hard, even if you're grown and gone once it happens) and also cried for her because I knew in her heart she was heading down a path of hatred, one that I knew all too well. So for the next few days, this situation was at the fore-front of my mind. I would like to say that I prayed for her often, but sadly no. I was too focused on what she was setting herself up for that I let it be my consuming thought, not ever turning it completely over to the Lord, who was the One in control of it all anyway. Duh, as if God was in complete shock like myself? Um, NO!

So in my self consuming thought pattern (notice I said SELF) I thought, "well, I just have to get more people to pray for her. People who I know will pray!" I picked up the phone and called a very wise and Goldy friend who knew her family personally but had not been privy to this new information about the family circumstances. I shared with her the news, my concern and asked her to please pray for this girl and for God to intervene miraculously. Sounds innocent enough, right? WRONG! This is where I went wrong. This is where I took it from prayer request to old fashion gossip. I was so consumed with my self thinking and not continually taking it to the Lord in prayer myself that I didn't even know that I had sinned. My heart was so calloused by ME that I couldn't even hear the Holy Spirit whispering in my soul the word "no". I let my emotions over take the truth of God's word. Never rely on what you are feeling because let me tell ya, your feelings will get you in more trouble. Our feelings can't be trusted, only trusting God by reading what His truths and promises are in the Bible.

I love this friend so much because she right then called me out on what I was doing. She spoke truth to me, in a gentle way, but yet was firm by saying "Um, I don't know if this is suppose to be information for me. Did she ask you to call me? I would love to pray and will for sure now, but Crissy I think you need to make sure that this is really a prayer request I need to know about. She asked you to pray about it and I feel really uncomfortable knowing about it before it's become public knowledge." Luke 17:3 Watch yourselves! If your brother sins, rebuke him. If he repents, forgive him.

Praise God that the Holy Spirit moved in my heart at that moment and I didn't get offended when she said this to me. Instead I woke up a little that day! I sat quietly on the phone for a moment, then apologized for exactly what I had done (which Praise God she gave me mercy and never once has held this against me! I could only imagine that she may have thought "wow, if she feels so liberated to tell me someone else's personal hurts then I better not share mine cause she may feel the need to do the same) and then excused myself as I was embarrassed. I sat and considered her words and then prayed for forgiveness from God about what I had done. I had basically turned this student's trust in me into something very worthless. Trust is something I value so much and yet here I had done the un-thinkable. If i had put myself in her shoes and would feel crushed and hurt if someone had done that to me.  Proverbs 20 (Pro 20:19 The one who goes about gossiping reveals secrets; therefore do not associate with someone who is always opening his mouth.)

Augh, I still look back and shake my head. I don't feel guilt, because the Bible says that we shouldn't continue to feel guilty for our sins that we have asked forgiveness for, but I do remember it often and thank God for His kind way of correcting me because it could have turned out worse.

But it doesn't end there. As I was confessing and asking for forgiveness, I heard the Lord speak into my spirit something that I had recently read from Matthew 5 5:23 So then, if you bring your gift to the altar and there remember that your brother has something against you, 5:24 leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled to your brother and then come and present your gift. 

Basically, I needed to go tell her what I had done and ask for her forgiveness even though I knew she would never find out about it. That was hard, but I prayed for courage and made the phone call. I explained to her exactly what I had done, how God had shown me that He had put in on my heart to PRAY, not to spread a "gossip request" along. I asked for her to forgive me and then gave her a chance to either hang up and process or respond. She responded to me with such maturity and grace. I'll never forget how she taught me how to forgive so freely that day. I will also say that I was in shock when she also thanked me for being a good example by calling her to fess up to something she would've never known about. I was speechless, and to this day thank God for His graciousness concerning that friendship.

So my application from my little mess:

When we pray for someone, especially when we know we are the only one interceding for a special need, there is such a bond that grows between those 2 people and the Lord, it's not one that I could ever describe. Prayer changes things and even the heart of the prayer. It is a great calling and should be treated with respect when someone asks you to "pray for me". I have never viewed this the same again.

Praise God for His grace, that's all I can say.