I thought I would update everyone and put this blur of a time in my life in words so I can read back and thank God for what He brought me through, because this I am confident in, He will give me strength and bring me through. So what I'm doing lately is.....
I'm sick of asking "why is this happening? why is it taking so long for me to recover? why did I have to go through this again and it not turn out at least half as good as it did before?" I'm tired, very tired of asking God these questions, so now I'm asking Him "
ok, my feelings are hurt that you didn't let me have Calvin my way, that the healing is going to take a lot longer than I ever dreamed or planned...so now
what? What do you want me to learn from this?" Are you confused? I guess you would be since I haven't had the energy to keep you up to date. Guess I should explain a little, BUT before I do, let me have a disclaimer. I'm in no way whining or complaining. I am so blessed to be facing this problem as a result of having just given birth and am thankful for that, this is just my outlet and or update on the
Kinley family
deleima.
Calvin did come right on the Dr's scheduled time and the reason the Dr wanted wanted him to come on the 8th is because of some issues I/Calvin was having, which was the amniotic fluid was getting extremely low and since the Dr wouldn't allow me to go past my due date I had the choice of having Calvin on the 8th or the 13th (I was due the 12th). You see it's a whole new set of rules you have to play by when you are trying to have a successful V-BAC, because all the risk is on the baby. There is chance for rupture in the uterine wall from the previous c-section scar and if this were to happen then the baby has about 3 mins before he suffocates and the larger you get the more pressure is put on that scar. Since the fluid was getting low, the Dr thought it was ideal to go ahead and do it earlier instead of later. I on the other hand was still thinking that God would make a miracle happen and get my labor started on my own.
My wonderful Mother-in-law, Sandy, drove over 1200 miles, 2 days, to get here on Tuesday the 6th so that she could be here to take care of her adorable grandson, Jackson, while we were at the hospital. She spent Wed with me tying up some last minute things, getting my blood drawn at the hospital for "pre-op" and even bought me the prettiest pink dress at Target (I love the she gets me all the pink things in life) the day before little Calvin came into our life. We had a delicious kid-free lunch at Jason's Deli on the patio, which included a mini-thunderstorm and the smell of spring....it was a great finish to my 1 child life.
Potting some marigold seeds with Gramie, which ended up sprouting and being put into pots before Gramie left. He loved growing them with her
He does EVERYTHING right along side his daddy
Dancing with his mommy the night before
Thursday am, Travis and I got up at 4:30 am, gathered up our belongings and headed to Harris SW at 5 am. Travis snapped this right before we left for the hospital
We arrived there shortly after 5:3o am where my room was already waiting for me with my name on the door (ah, how kind). The nurse had me change to a gown and hop into bed. It was pretty un-eventful, no water breaking, no dialating....just hooked me up to an IV and strapped the belt on my belly to monitor the soon-to-be-born-baby-boy. I had 3 contractions in an hour and a half that I was there before the surgery. I was so set on trying to have this baby naturally that I even had the nerve to ask my very patient Dr when he came in to check on my before surgery if it would be possible to break my water and just see what happens today. Fat chance....he smiled ever so kindly and said even more politely "Crissy, we talked about this, and the safest route for the baby at this point is a repeat c-section. I'm only interested in keeping you and the baby safe." Well how could you argue with a man who's been doing this for 25+ years and says that to you. So off he went to scrub up and meet me in the OR. This is the part I found the funniest....the nurse grabbed the IV bag, flung it over her shoulder and said "OK, we're going to walk around down the hall now." WHAT?! Um, I have to walk the walk of death to the OR? You're not going to wheel me down in a chair or better yet a bed? Where's the heated sheets? You see this was my 6th surgery, yes you read that right.... SIXTH! I know the drill, I look forward to the nice warm sheets to take the shakes of nervousness off...and now she expected me to walk down, 9 months pregnant to boot, to the OR! I did with a nervous smile on my face, but let me tell ya, it was weird!
They had to stick me a few times in the back because I wouldn't loosen up, then the numbing was going slow...the anasteologist said that I have nerves of steal cause they were having a hard time getting them to go to sleep. Once the meds starting working, of course I started to get VERY nauseous and started vomiting on the OR table. The nurses were wonderful helping me and I could hear one actually starting to pray over me. Then suddenly, well what felt like forever, I had this soft, gentle hand on my head. I suddenly felt a sense of peace and when I turned my head to look, it was my sweet hubby. I don't know how long he had been sitting there, because he didn't get to walk with me, but I love the fact that I calmed at his touch and didn't even know it was his....something special I always want to remember. He later told me it was killing him to watch me be so upset and vomit and he couldn't do a thing for me.
Finally after all the "Crissy, your going to feel some pressure....lots of pressure, now some tugging" I heard the Dr say "he's peeing on me, he's peeing on me!" and I suddenly felt a weight lifted off of me on that table. It wasn't just because of the obvious reason that the baby was out, but also that Calvin was here safely and just as planned by the One who knitted him together in my womb. He didn't cry right away, which at first I remember saying "why isn't he crying?" over and over, but later I realized that that was his calm and gentle spirit shinning through from the moment he was born. Oh, and he peed on the the nurses who were cleaning him up twice as well....he's also a heavy wetter...something else that came shinning through the moment he was born :-).
The Dr kept saying..."he's blonde" and from this pic I can tell where he might have thought that, but after the bath his hair turned out to be a dark blonde/light brown. Course it's changed a lot since then too
Make no mistake, while I did pray for a calm and gentle spirit but not because I don't like my vibrant, take charge Jackson....I can't not like it because he's adorable, smart, funny and most of all not a follower. I just wanted a little variety in the house, that's all.
A little side bar: One thing I don't think I ever did was describe Jackson's birth in detail, mostly because I didn't remember a lot of it considering by the time he was delivered by c-section it had become a very huge emergency. BUT what I do remember was what the Dr who delivered Jackson said when he first saw him.....Jackson was coming out full face presentation, which would have snapped his neck or cause permanent brain damage and since I was dialating really fast they had to do a c-section quickly.....like with in 10 mins from the time they got me from my room to him being out of me quickly....so because Jackson was coming out by his face (I say he was curious where he was going, ha! ha!) it had swelled his adorable facial features horribly....like he'd been in a fight! So back to what the Dr said..."hey, he look at that nose and those lips, he looks like a little black baby"....racial? yes, but so Dr name-less to protect him from hate mail. Travis and I have a pretty good sense of humor so before Dr name-less lifted him over the fort for us to see we just looked at each other and laughed. But when we did get a glimpse of him a few seconds later, I have to admit that we both went "ew". He looked horrible, poor little guy.
OK, back to Calvin. So he was born at 8:08 am on April 8, 2010. He weighed 7 lbs 8 oz and was 21 inches long. The nurses were also impressed with all his hair, but Jackson had hair too so I didn't expect anything less. I was wheeled back to my room with fresh warm blankets...about time is what I was thinking.....and ended up back where I was an hour earlier with a new baby boy in my arms.
So why am I asking "what do you want me to learn from this God?" To make a long story short, before checking out on Saturday the Dr's discovered from my blood draws that I had lost A LOT of blood during surgery and from old records that my body never reproduced the blood I had lost from having Jackson 2 1/2 years ago. So I'm now on heavy duty prescription Iron 4 times a day to keep me from hitting the floor, being sick and help get my blood counts back up. My incision is healing but very s-l-o-w-l-y. All my needs have been provided for since the baby has been born, and even today as I fly solo with both boys by myself for the 1st time, I have enough energy to sustain me. It's the stabbing pain in my lower abdomen that I could do with out. Travis is wonderful and last night told me that without pain, we would think that we could do it all on our own and not ever turn to God for help. Even though we don't understand it at the time, God allows it to turn us to Him for help and not rely on our own. Wow, does that ring true! I don't think I've ever spent so much time in prayer for myself....ever woken up each and everyday praying to God and thanking Him that I was able to make it through the night. I'm also learning to ask for help, which is so hard for me. I always like to think "well I don't want to bother people" and that is just plain and simple pride....pride that God is breaking me of....blah!
So that's the latest....I'm sure reading out my random thoughts is hard to navigate through, but it's not like it's mandatory or that you'll be graded on it so I hope that you skipped over it if it bored you. :-)
Jealousy is not an issue at all...it's actually a problem of wanting to help too much. He loves, loves loves baby brother.
Life returned to normal quickly here at the
Kinley house. Jackson loved making daddy follow him with his "four
leel-
ler"
And because daddy has had to cut a lot of tree branches on our property, well Jackson needed his own chain saw too.
Gramie supplied him with the newest mini tool.
testing it out on the couch
Patting baby brother and telling him "it's
otay, you're
otay Talvin" He's so sweet to his brother
I have to admit, I was a little of a baby hog. Poor Gramie didn't get too many moments with this little one...BUT Jackson was all over her too, so it wasn't all my fault
Finally had our bon fire and ended up burning up a snake in it....good thing, this would have turned into a snake pit in the next few weeks
Can you see the shovel Jackson has too....EVERYTHING daddy does
He loves his brother...one of my prayers is that they will be good friends
