Time with 2 boys

-It is easier to build strong children than to repair broken men

Frederick Douglass

I remind myself often (some days several times a day) that today does matter.

 Joyfully changing the diaper of a kicking screaming toddler, matters. Joyfully getting on the floor to help build up a block tower just to knock it down with in 1 second, matters. Joyfully listening with intent as the make believe story line is going NOWHERE slowly, matters. Joyfully cleaning up toys that have been brought into one room from every square foot of the house and then piled into the shape of a pyramid, matters. 

Basically, joyful time spent with my boys matters. I'll try to show that I like to listen now when the conversation is not so interesting to me, so hopefully later when he's a teen he might know that I like to listen to him and that what is happening in his life is interesting to me.

 I'll try to clean the toys up in a way that shows I'm happy to help him out, so that hopefully he may later help me with out complaining or grumbling. 

I'll try play the things they want to play, even though I'd rather be doing something else (c'mon ladies, let's be real, Lincoln Log building gets OLD) so that Lord willing they will come over for coffee to visit their  old mama even though they would rather be doing something else.

Can you see where I'm going with this? While I'm very thankful for these rowdy boys, God is burning the selfishness out of me......being selfish with my time. I've been denying my little boys time that they want with their mommy, all because I have this running list in my head of what needs done or what I would rather be doing. I've learned that even excessive studying of God's word over spending time with them can be selfish. It would be like learning a skill, getting the highest training for it and then never even working in the field that I was trained.

James 1:-23-24 (the NET)  For if someone merely listens to the message and does not live it out, he is like someone  who gazes at his own face  in a mirror.  For he gazes at himself and then goes out and immediately forgets  what sort of person he was.

We recently went to a "wild west fest" and the boys got to pet a lot of little animals their size. They loved this little donkey

Written better elsewhere..

My writing skills can get caught up in my emotions. Let's start it off with "i'm a girl", and end it with "processing can be confusing". In my blog post of liberating myself from a social addiction I had, "drying out" if you will, I don't think I could have expressed it in a more Godly focus than how it was done by a acquaintance who is a much more clearer writer than I.

 My hope is that this is not a problem for you and by reading this it just guards your eyes and heart even more, but if it is, please be honest with yourself and with the One who made you. I'm not pleading with you because I "have it all figured out now!", NO WAY do I even come close. There are some things that God is burning out of this heart that would make me blush if you knew about them....PRAISE GOD that I can still feel remorse today after all those years of letting my sin be justified through the worlds standard. My honest prayer is that as a body of believers in Christ we don't fall into the traps that Satan lays out for us and we so blindly walk into. Our time can and will be multiplied, just by making sure that the times of rest we take is what really feeds our need for "rest". As a girl that fell prey to this, it's my plea to others that they don't end up in the "drying out" period that I had to go through.....PLEASE, guard your heart and mind, cause He has something greater for you. As I've discovered the hard way, this world will never be able to give back the time you invest into it, only what you put into learning His nature and taking in His rest will it NEVER return void.....oh, how I have learned far too late in the game.

To see what I'm rambling about click this link:

And Facebook will give you rest.....

And now he's 4

That little boy that made me a mommy, turned 4. I'm speechless. 

I'll leave you with a couple of verses that we have dedicated to J since he was 11 days old. Please pray them with me over him, that's the best wishes you could give to the birthday boy!

Colossians 1:9-10

Since the day we heard about you, we have not stopped praying for you and asking God to fill you with the knowledge of his will through all spiritual wisdom and understanding. And we pray this in order that you may live a life worthy of the Lord and may please him in every way: bearing fruit in every good work, growing in the knowledge of God

Wanna know the truth?

I found this in one of my notebooks I was frantically cleaning out to reuse for another purpose. Don't be fooled, hippy-ville has not converted me. I'm just unorganized about chartering my errands and needed to cough up a notebook, ASAP.

Anyway, I found this list I had written while I was pregnant with C. It's not from my own research, I will confess that I could not have come up with these truths at that time in my life :-(. I sure wish I had it 6 months ago though, but the Lord knew I would have made this paper my idol and not His true Word that I've come to love so much that was a direct effect from "after the boxes are un-packed".

I pray that these will bless another gal today as well......

I want to give up....

GOD'S TRUTH: Be committed (Matthew 5:33-37)

I feel lost...

GOD'S TRUTH: He watches my paths and establishes my ways (Proverbs 5:21)

No one loves or even likes me....

GOD'S TRUTH: He loves me more than life (John 3:16)

I don't look like her....

GOD'S TRUTH: I'm wonderfully made (Psalm 139:14)

I'm all alone and no one understands me.....

GOD'S TRUTH: He will never leave me. He has plans for my life (Duet 31:6; Jer 29:11)

I'm just not good enough.....

GOD'S TRUTH: I was created in His image (Gen 1:26)

You feelin my pain, mama?

Ladies.

When you were a little girl and dreamed of being a mommy, I'm betting the screaming in the car was not apart of the role playing you did with your dolly.

 Somethings you just have to truly experience for yourself......am I right?

My little C has got some Comanche lungs like you wouldn't believe. WoW! This commercial made me laugh so hard.......and question our insurance coverage. ha! ha!

My joy is uncontainable

My heart is leaping for JOY! I can not contain it!

     I have exciting news........it's a BOY! A born-again 3 year old! J prayed and now has the Holy Spirit living inside him! 

 Luke 15:10 ..... "I tell you, there is rejoicing in the presence of the angels of God over one sinner who repents.”

For the past 2 weeks he has been asking A LOT of questions, at times even demanding the answer. Questions that were stumping me, but making me dig in the Bible (or T-rav's deep thinking theologically-trained brain)

 Mommy where is Heaven?

 Mommy, what's Easter for? 

What will we do in Heaven? 

Daddy are you going to go to Heaven? 

Will my bed be in Heaven? 

Is taking my blocks back from brother a sin? 

and the mother of all questions that brought me to my knees pleading for God to guide my words.....

Mommy, what's the Holy Spirit? 

 If you're curious, I told him that the Holy Spirit is what you get after you ask Jesus into your heart. It makes you smarter about your sin and love God more......God giving me the right words at the right time, cause you know I ain't that smart to come up with something made that much sense.

I can tell you that I was not prepared for most of his questions. His innocence was what I was trying to protect but at the same time he needs to know more importantly that he was born a sinner, and because our God is so Holy, that He can not be in the presence of sin. BUT the good news is our God is so loving that He created an easy way for us to be with Him......He gave us His one and only Son, and who ever believes in Him will not perish but have everlasting life. It's that simple. 

I had to remind myself that for J. Keep it simple, because it is simple! I had asked several times after having those conversations if he wanted to pray and ask Jesus into his heart. Each time we would get close. Even last week he said yes, but then decided when I wanted him to repeat after me that he didn't want to. We were so close, but I knew not to push it. It needed to be real and on his terms. God wants our hearts, not our routine.

Then on Thursday, Sept 15 (T-rav's 33rd bday, OH Happy Day!) the 3 of us were in the living room. C was already tucked in his bed, so daddy and J were getting in one last book before bed. Daddy started to read (it was a book about praying) then all of a sudden J says:

"Jesus please come into my heart, forgive my sins. Amen"

T-rav and I immediately looked up at each other, in shock! In my over-complicating-the-gospel-and-the-path-to-salvation adult brain I was thinking..."no, that wasn't real. there is no way he could understand what he just said. that couldn't take"....silly silly me. As if our salvation is something that our body "takes".....like we are catching a cold or something. I wonder at times if God just shakes His head at this girl......seriously! 

I right away said, "wow, buddy! That's great! You just asked Jesus into your heart. Way to go!"

T-rav's was similar, but since he's not a doubter like me, his smile was larger because he knew it was real, that it "took". 

Then let me show you how God used my 1st borns salvation to once again, show Himself to this girl. After J's conversion and the book was finished, we walked into his room to pray. Now I will tell you that prayer time with J before bed was hit or miss. Sometimes he would participate, only to help stall lights-out, and other times he would just flip his stuffed animal around or cover his head with ol Bob, BUT this time it was different. After only being a believer in Christ for a mere 2 minutes, this boy walks into his room, kneels beside his bed and says the most heartfelt prayer I've ever heard out of his mouth. At the end of it, he asked for Jesus to come into C's heart soon too. 

My mind was spinning.....still doubting mind you, even though God had just shown Himself as a living, breathing Holy Spirit within a 3 years old body.

So then he climbs into bed. I kiss him. Tell him I'm proud of him one more time for the confession of faith, then turn to walk out. Just as I flip the light out, he says in the most sincere, sweet way....."mommy, remember my songs, please." 

K, let's do a little side-bar, shall we? I'll share with you that bed time was a battle.....the boy does not like to sleep and we would see some of his worst behavior on display during the hours between bath time and "fall asleep" time. Bedtime was a beating in our house! So for him to remind me sweetly about songs, was a HUGE thing to be noted and accounted for. This was true evidence that the Holy Spirit had taken up residency in my son's heart only minutes before. He was changed! 

I came out of his room and promptly started digging in my Bible for the next couple of hours, trying to find scriptures that would explain exactly how one becomes a repented sinner. Yes, even after witnessing "the new creation" in front of me, I was still doubting. Lord, have mercy on me.

Mark 10:14  When Jesus saw this, he became irritated. He told them, "Don't stop the children from coming to me. Children like these are part of the kingdom of God."

John 3:16 For God so loved the world that He gave His one and only Son, that whoever should believe in Him will not perish but have everlasting life.

Then I read in Luke this parable that pierced my heart.

The Parable of the Pharisee and the Tax Collector

 ⁹ To some who were confident of their own righteousness and looked down on everyone else, Jesus told this parable: ¹⁰ “Two men went up to the temple to pray, one a Pharisee and the other a tax collector. ¹¹ The Pharisee stood by himself and prayed: ‘God, I thank you that I am not like other people—robbers, evildoers, adulterers—or even like this tax collector. ¹² I fast twice a week and give a tenth of all I get.’

   ¹³ “But the tax collector stood at a distance. He would not even look up to heaven, but beat his breast and said, ‘God, have mercy on me, a sinner.’

   ¹⁴ “I tell you that this man, rather than the other, went home justified before God. For all those who exalt themselves will be humbled, and those who humble themselves will be exalted.”

It's not like I thought J had to do some sort of ceremonial sacrifice to receive the free salvation that is offered to EVERYONE, it's just that I couldn't believe that he could understand it at 3. 

So the very next morning, (again God's patience is un-ending) J comes straight out of his room and says with a huge smile on his face "mommy, Jesus lives in my heart!". I was in shock that he was still so excited about it. 

Then as I was getting his breakfast ready he was standing out on the back porch looking up at the sky, talking. 

Me: J, what are you doing?

J: just praying

Me: praying for rain? (the clouds looked like they were going to give way to glorious rain)

J: no, Jesus is going to come back. He's going to back in those clouds and he's going to come back.

Me: ****picture a look of total shock on my face** How do you know He's going to come back in the clouds?

J: because He is mommy.

Um, yes, He is. Mark 13:26 “At that time people will see the Son of Man coming in clouds with great power and glory"

I can promise you that in our times of Q&A, I never once mentioned anything about Jesus coming back in the clouds, I only told him myself that Jesus would be coming back for us one day. I AM NOT SAYING THAT J IS SOME SORT OF PROPHET, I'm only saying this because I could see God just smiling down on that moment saying, "see, I AM dwells in him now". 

Now, J may have heard the clouds bit from Sunday school or even pre-school, but God can and will reveal himself in ways that are un-explainable. I believe that since J has the Holy Spirit living inside him now and since God's word is living and breathing, then why wouldn't He already have Scripture written on his heart. J can't read yet, so the Holy Spirit can tell him things that he hasn't read. 

It was a way for me to just be humbled and say "Lord, I'm still a sinner by doubting you, please have mercy."

J receiving Christ was God's plan and timing. I love also how J wasn't lead to the Lord by T-rav or I, instead by the personality that the Lord gave him when He made him. It was just him and the Lord at that moment. With what I consider to be a royal battle most days became, in that moment, one of the best traits God could have ever given him.

God is so good and I love Him even more still for choosing J to be apart of His inheritance. 

Thank you, Father in Heaven for writing J's name in your book of life. You take all the credit for it, more this story of my unbelief glorify your great name. You deserve more words of thanks that I can type.